How we treat older children

Some creatures are born able to cope from day 1,  even some mammals are very clever at birth.  Baby kangaroos find their way from the womb through all the fur up to the nipple in the pocket, which is a long and arduous journey for them, but we are rather slow in our development.  In India we read of children from 4 or 5 leading independent lives, but here it is generally considered that they need parenting  from the very moment of birth until age 16, or even until they are recognised to have come of age at 18.  However, a lot of them aren't getting it and join gangs to find something to belong to.  This isn't very good because the gangs teach them how to survive, but not exactly how to be good citizens or make the most of their own potential.

Parenting does not seem to be considered as a job any more.  But it is one that needs to be done.  Anne Robinson's programme, The Weakest Link, has, I am glad to discover, been moved to 2.15 in the afternoon, when few school-aged children would be watching it, from 5.15 when they were.  She has been heard to say to a full-time mother, "Couldn't you find a proper job?"  Stacking super-market shelves, in her estimation, is a much more worth-while occupation.  Also, she is endlessly rude to the competitors.  They are all volunteers and know what they are in for, so I don't feel particular sympathy for them, but it is objectionable to see somebody so rich and successful and considering herself a role-model being  gratuitously rude to other people.  This is a terrible example to children and needs, just as much as violent and sexy programmes to be scheduled when they are not watching.  It is even more insidious than they are because not fiction, but fact.  I don't think that all that violent fiction is particularly good either, for violence is considered the normal way to behave, but I suppose it has to be accepted because it is so much wanted by the adult audience.

It is often assumed that even if a parent stays at home until the children are ready for full-time school they not only could, but should return to work.  I find this perverse.  A kind grandparent or baby-sitter can look after a very small child quite satisfactorily, but when they come home from school with problems with relationships or needing help with homework it is surely a parent that they need, somebody involved with their whole development through life.

It is true that money has to be earned and I am not "picking on" present-day parents who have to deal with the difficult situation they are faced with and have to cope with it as best they can.  They cannot possibly put parenting ahead of their job.

But this blog is concerned with public policy for the future which could enable us to change our way of raising children, which, in many cases, just can't be said to be succeeding.

Since jobs are likely to be in short supply, could not parenting be considered part of one's employment, and all parents entitled to work only 3 or 4 days a week, with employers not considering this a concession, but a normal part of life?  Then a house could become a home once again where there was sure to be a welcome and a meal, at which all members were expected, provided.  I have to admit that one of my daughters claimed that she "longed to be a latch-key child" but that may well be just because she wasn't one.  We tend to yearn for what we haven't got.

There is a word "respect" which has gone out of fashion. Well, let's bring it back, sincerely, not by stupid rules of political correctness.  My father went totally blind when he was 33.  He would say, "I am blind, I can't see, I am not "visually impaired".  He was proud of his blindness and his ability to get around London and do a job in spite of it.  And he was respected, not pitied for it. 

Babies need respect for their needs, as they cannot stand up for themselves.  Parents need respect and should insist on it, or they cannot do their job.  Children need respect, and will live up to what is expected of them.  If you expect poor behaviour, you will get it.  If it is assumed they will behave well, they will try to do so.  We have given up the automatic respect we used to give to statesmen, the royal family, doctors, teachers, lawyers, but should grant it when they have proved they are worthy of it.  I am afraid we have exchanged that automatic respect into automatic disrespect, and that doesn't do any of us any good.  There are a lot of good people doing excellent jobs, and they will do them even better if given a bit of credit for it. 
My smallest grandchild was complaining that her teacher was bossy.  We asked her, didn't she think that that is what teachers have to be, and, on reflexion, she admitted that that is what a teacher is for - to get you to learn what she has to teach.  She's a bit young to learn the word "authoritative", but I think she got the idea.

We can respect each other better by not leaving litter behind in the bus or on a public bench, or throwing it down in the street.  Do as you would be done by is quite a good motto and makes life flow along smoothly.  If you don't want people sticking empty beer cans into your hedge, don't mess up things yourself.  It's easy enough.   Respect for the world around us.

And, of course, as ever, we need the help of the media.  Lots of attention to the many youngsters who are trying to build a better society - less to the mischief-makers.  But perhaps the press, on the whole, doesn't want a better world?